People have the most active imaginations—they’ve even stopped calling things by their actual names. While we aren’t sure why people started doing this, sometimes, we actually prefer their creative descriptions.
From referring to books as slices of a tree to calling guinea pigs two-pound meat potatoes, these people posted things that no one has ever said or even thought of before. These weird phrases will have you questioning everything.
Cat or Dog Person
In this world, there are dog people and cat people. Many folks live their lives thinking they prefer one animal over the other, but we’re more capable of change than we think.
Before, this guy might’ve scoffed at the idea of living with cats. These days, he lives his life waiting at the beck and call of “the boys” while his girlfriend is just doing her best to deal with the mini panthers yelling at her.
What a Concept
Whoever started the marketing for deodorant really wanted to encourage men and women to maintain a certain attitude.
Women should smell like soft scents, like flowers or sweets, while men must smell like the exact moment a racket whips the air or the moment a car tire squeals on the asphalt. Sorry, but our brains can’t get behind these concepts.
The Push of a Button
The great wide world must seem incredibly confusing to a dog. They get to know the inside of the house they live in and the yard they play in, but when it comes to machines, we can’t begin to imagine what dogs think is happening.
After all, the concept of an elevator is pretty insane already. Enter through some doors, go for a short ride, and then enter into a completely different room when the doors re-open. We agree—“world changers” are a much better way to describe elevators.
On the Doorstep
There are some pranks that are simply hilarious, or childish. But this is one prank that’s both harmless and psychologically tormenting.
We can’t say we’ve ever thought about this idea before, but now that this guy has enlightened us, we’re astonished by the genius of it. They’ll forever wonder who left that watermelon on their porch that night, and what on earth was it for. How clever.
Most Courageous of Pets
When people think of courage and strength, they often think of the lion, the king of the jungle. But this person is here to tell you that the guinea pig is often overlooked as an animal that shows no fear.
A “two pound meat potato” creates quite an interesting visual, especially when that meat potato’s form of courage is sticking up for its specific dietary preferences. We can’t get over the hilarious description of this pet.
Holiday Season
College is the perfect time to discover yourself and meet people from all over the place. This is the time when different types of traditions, religions, languages, and more come together in the same place.
For this girl, going to college meant challenging everything she knew—even the fact that at her school, deer season was recognized throughout the community, whereas everywhere else had no idea about this yeehaw holiday.
Choosing Carefully
We all have preferences for how we eat our food. Some people take a bite of everything at the same time, to experience the flavors all together, while others eat each ingredient one by one.
Regardless, no one wants to leave the vegetables for the last bite. Carefully curating the perfect bite is the best way to make sure that meal goes down in your memory the way it deserves.
Doesn’t Make Scents
The gendering of beauty and hygienic products has always been a mystery to us. Why do deodorant brands have to make their scents so different for men and women?
No one wins in the world of deodorant—girls get to smell pretty like lavender or coconut, but have to constantly reapply due to the much weaker products, while men have to choose between “gold confidence” and “victory”. What on earth do those even smell like?
Too Avant-Garde
There’s a reason certain letters are worth a lot more points than others when you’re playing Scrabble. With so few words using these letters, they’ve become special and unusual.
The letter Q is definitely one of these so-called avant-garde consonants, and yet, it’s thrown in the middle of the very useful and very popular letters, P and R. We should really consider throwing it to the back of the alphabet to join the rest of its abstract friends.
Got Him Pezzed
We’ve all heard the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” With so many dispensers to choose from, we thought we could all agree that Pez goes in the treasure category.
We’re not sure how much the dispensers are going for these days, but after this, we’d never offer such a low price, just in case we insult the folks of the Pez community.
Endless Spiral
We never thought texting would be such a source of anxiety, but here we are, weeks later and we still haven’t responded to your text. Somehow, we can’t decide if the shame of never responding at all outweighs the shame of sending an embarrassing text in the first place.
It makes us feel way better that we’re not the only ones stuck in the endless spiral of navigating the texting world or looking with guilt at the elephant graveyard of our phones. We’re all in this together.
Flower Power
Nature is amazing. While some flowers poke up out of cracks or show up all over bushes, sunflowers can grow straight up, easily surpassing the height of any human being. Their beautiful, bright, yellow petals shine in the sunlight—which this person can’t help but take as a threat.
We wonder how they’ll react when they realize just how tall some trees can grow. This poor person is about to find out that nature always wins.
Just a Phase
While dogs tend to be sweet and loyal for their entire lives, cats and their owners go through many phases of coexistence. For a while, a cat’s grace and beauty keep their owners preoccupied from all of the nonsense they get into.
However, after a while, that wears off and all that’s left is an owner who is past their limit of kitty shenanigans and a cat who simply doesn’t care.
My Biological Son
Though we often treat our pets as our children, there are certain questions that just don’t mean the same thing when it comes to our furry friends. We’re not sure biological means the same thing in this context as it would with a child.
This person didn’t just adopt their dog, they made them a part of the family. Don’t ever insult this person or their dog/son again.
One of My Sims
It’s not uncommon for us to wander into a room and then forget why we were going there in the first place. Sometimes, we wonder if there was just a glitch in the system that is our universe.
It seemed too much of a coincidence that this person knew exactly what this other guy did the day before, especially when their schedule was so specific. If you thought Sims was just a game, this guy seems to have brought it to life in a really creepy way.
Will it Away
This family never understood their grandma’s nonsense that often left her mouth when she got angry. It was a common occurrence, but when she died, they realized there was more to those utteringsthan they had expected.
When the lawyer brought them the will to read, they found out that those words they often tuned out was actually Russian phrases that had been lost in translation, and she never forgave them for not saving her from the madness in her mind she had gotten through living during the Soviet era.
Biological Connection
This vet was used to hearing pet owners talk about their pets as more than just animals, but he wasn’t prepared for this lady that walked in. When she started calling her dog her “biological dog,” the vet became incredibly confused.
It turns out this lady had taken a powerful substance on a camping trip one time, fallen asleep and when she woke up, the puppy had appeared next to her. Before the substance had worn off, this lady believed she had given birth to it, since it appeared out of nowhere, and continued telling that story even years later.
Nice to Meat You
When you meet a new gym instructor, it’s always important to let them know about your body’s quirks and anomalies so they can tailor your training accordingly.
When this girl informed her new instructor about her spinal rods, we’re sure she wasn’t expecting to be compared to grilled meat on a skewer. We can’t get the image of a kebab on a treadmill out of our heads.
The Perfect Balance
Some folks are blessed when it comes to their physical appearance. But since people are often immediately kinder to people they find beautiful, they’re not always required to have much of a personality.
That’s where the “medium ugly” people come in. With a personality to keep people interested and a face that at least some people like, these people make the world go round.
Money Moves
We love ordering food to our homes, but that pesky delivery fee can really rack up the price the more you order. But this person seems to have it down to a science.
We would be concerned about this person’s diet. We really believe that no matter how many burgers they’re eating or how many days it’s been since they ordered them, they’ll be able to beat any food poisoning that tries to come their way.
Pick-Me Plants
If you’ve ever tried to grow plants in your house or your yard, you know how difficult plants can be to keep healthy. No matter how hard we try, we can never seem to get that perfect balance of sunlight, water, soil, and placement just right.
So how on earth do weeds survive in the worst of circumstances? They don’t even have to vibe with soil—they just grow perfectly in that crack in the sidewalk, taunting us while our house plants die.
Can’t Trust Brad
When people started to get creative with the things they were smoking, we had some very mixed emotions. On one hand, now the air isn’t full of that toxic, tar-smelling smoke that used to clog the airways.
But now, we’re stuck having to deal with the disappointment of delicious smells that aren’t actually coming out of a bakery or candy shop. Instead, they’re coming out of those little canisters all the frat bros are using. Thanks a lot, Brad. Now we’re hungry.
Caught Red Handed
With endless days of school or work, life can get monotonous. In order to make it through, we often find ourselves looking for the next hobby or show to throw ourselves into.
This was a habit we never wanted to get called out for. We hadn’t ever looked at our coping mechanisms in such a negative light, but we guess that’s what the police are for. Take us away, officer—if this is a crime, we’re definitely guilty.
Gucci Belt
In theory, adding tags seems like the least harmful way to keep tabs on wildlife and learn the details of their lifestyle. How were scientists supposed to know that they would completely alter the mating process of these birds?
We have to admit, getting abducted and coming back with a brand new expensive belt doesn’t sound like the worst deal ever—especially if our chance of mating increases.
Soft Storm Era
Hurricanes will rip through towns and cities, completely destroying everything in their path, and then go down in history with a beautiful female name. How are we supposed to believe that a hurricane named Camille did all this damage?
A storm with the name of a monster or a huge machine would be a lot more effective when it came to getting folks out of their homes as quickly as possible. Someone get on this idea.
Individually Assigned
New York City has many sides to it. It can feel like a big, bright city, full of opportunity and culture, or it can feel like a dark, gross, lonely place.
If you feel the latter, all you need is a mindset change. The next time you’re feeling lonely, just remember all of the rats that run around the streets of NYC, and know that somewhere out there, is your very own special rat friend.
Modern-Day Palaeontologists
As times change, so does our language. Every year we add new words to the dictionary, and we have to catch up on the slang that cycles through the internet every single day.
If the general public were to vote on what we would rename dinosaurs today, we’d have a very different list of scientific names to describe the extinct creatures. Still, we have to admit that a Heckin Chonkosaurus sounds a lot better than a Brachiosaurus.
Hitching a Ride
There’s nothing better than hitting the empty road, driving with the windows down, and blasting your favorite tunes. Just be sure you don’t accidentally bring a fly into your car when you eventually close the windows.
Instead of getting annoyed by the little buggers, you have to feel a bit bad for them. They got themselves locked in the car, and now they’re taking a long trip to a completely new city.
Fighting for Your Life
Karaoke was created so those who can’t sing for their lives can still get up and give the best possible performance to a group of people who also can’t sing. It’s the only way to make ourselves feel better for not being able to carry a tune.
If you can sing, please record yourself so we can enjoy it in our free time. There’s no need to show us up on the karaoke stage as well.
Our Inner Children
The older we get, the more disappointed we are by life. People are constantly making terrible decisions and then writing books about it, and frankly, we’re sick of it.
We’d much rather get caught up in the universe where worms get around in their little apple cars and kids travel to far-off places every time they enter their tree house. We just want to be kids again.
Under My Skin
When you think about it, mosquitos don’t take that much of our blood every time they bite us. In fact, if it wasn’t for the itchy bump they left behind, we wouldn’t mind them at all.
However, mosquitos are not known for being grateful creatures. Instead, they insist on taking a slurp of our blood and making us itchy as well. Not to mention, they carry around quite a lot of diseases as well. Why can’t they just take their portion in peace?
Barkin’ in the Wind
Corgis are some of the cutest dogs. You can always tell when a dog is a crossbreed of a corgi and something else because they have short stubby legs and long bodies.
We’ve never heard them described as potatoes, but now that we are picturing them, we have to say they do share an awfully close resemblance to the popular starchy food. Maybe it’s not a coincidence after all that humans are both obsessed with potatoes and corgis.
No Pee-king
Waiting in line for the bathroom is annoying. You never know if you’re going to be in line for a second or for a few minutes.
By splitting rooms up by liquids and solids, you can at least adjust your expectations, and avoid all of the embarrassment that comes with going number two in public. Let’s just make sure there is an adequate amount of air freshener in that second bathroom.
So Many Pasta-bilities
We know there’s some trick to figuring out just how much pasta is in one serving, but we still can never manage to get it right. Instead, we always make much more than is necessary.
Listen, we know it’s sensible to separate what we’ve made into a container for tomorrow and eat the rest now, but somehow, it never feels like enough for either meal. In those moments, the future really doesn’t seem to exist. It’s just us and our excessive amount of pasta.
Long-Term Effects
For years, scientists and doctors have been warning people about the long-term effects we are sure to find in our bodies after living in the modern world. But they never warned us about this possible effect.
Watch out ladies—these days, microplastics are more dangerous than ever and they’re convincing you that you can overlook some flaws in a man and change other flaws. Be careful out there, or you might give in.
Feeling Squirrely
Library book drop-offs are the perfect invention to return books without having to go all the way into the library. However, one sneaky squirrel found out how to use this passage to his advantage.
We can’t imagine what it must be like to be Keith, who thought he heard a book fall, only to find out it was a squirrel with a vengeance and a taste for whatever was in his lunchbox that day.
Vivid Experience
If you think about anything in this life for long enough, you might be overwhelmed by the sheer surreality of it. A book is such a simple object—until you break it down into each of its parts.
When described like this, there’s no wonder why people get so lost in their books. Whatever this girl is indulging in to see the world in such an imaginative way, we want some.
Making the Split
If you’re from the United States, chances are at least half of you have parents who are not together anymore. After all, the divorce rates in the States are over 50%.
But what’s worse is the divorce rates between left socks and right ones. If you really wanted to do an interesting study, find out exactly where all those socks are disappearing to.
Let Us Breathe
If you want to feel extra small today, just picture yourself as a tiny little creature being kept in a container. All those stars you look out and see above you—yeah, those are actually little holes in the top so that we don’t suffocate in here.
This just gave us a newfound sense of insignificance. If stars are tiny holes in the container, we wonder what this guy would make of the hole in our ozone layer.
I Need it Now
Before, ordering something meant waiting a decent amount of time before it was delivered to your doorstep. Now, if a package is delivered just a few minutes later than it said it would, people throw an absolute fit.
In addition, the barrier of a computer screen makes it so much easier to avoid thinking about the human labor that goes into every last-minute online order. What an American experience.
Gotta Date Them All
If you’re going to get a new boyfriend, make sure his name isn’t too similar to your last boyfriend’s—at least for the sake of all of your friends.
After all, who’s ever heard names like these, except in Pokémon? Maybe she got mad at her friend for mixing them up, but there’s no way she hasn’t almost called her current boyfriend by the wrong name too.
Feeling Corny
Sometimes, we get nervous when our laptops overheat and start to sound like they’re working in overdrive, but there’s no comparison to the way computers used to sound when they were first invented.
Obviously, we’ll never be sure just what a pterodactyl would sound like, especially eating corn on the cob—but if we were to speculate, the noises floppy discs made would pretty much describe it in our minds.
Couch Potatoes
People often complain about all the time boys spend on the couch playing video games, but this girl is here to advocate for them as good boyfriends. She’s proving that not all heroes wear capes.
These boys are the most trustworthy, most easygoing, and the most pleased by the simplest of things. Now, that’s the kind of guy you want in your life.
Go With the Roll
Celebrities are just like us. Sometimes, all they want are some spring rolls. However, when they don’t deliver the taste they wanted, you better believe they’ll send them back.
Don’t worry though—if your customer is Ludacris, he might send them back, but at least he’ll be understanding about it. After all, he knows better than anyone just how little you can rely on your spring rolls.
Wild West
Cowboys seemed to be a staple in the childhood of every American kid. We watched movies about them and played as them. The Wild West had a large part in our development.
If you ever need to describe what a cowboy is to someone who isn’t as familiar, this person has pretty much nailed it. We’re not sure we’d ever be able to come up with such a succinct, perfect description.
Dinner Table Chats
If you’ve ever dropped something on your shirt, or perhaps fell out of a tree, and thought to yourself, “I hope no one saw that,” we have some bad news for you. You’re definitely being talked about around someone’s dinner table.
While you might never want to remember those deeply embarrassing moments that plague you, at least you can find comfort in the fact that they entertained a whole family. Isn’t that beautiful?
Make it Vegan
People are all about their plant-based lifestyle these days. If restaurants don’t have vegan options, they might find themselves with a lot of angry customers.
If you want to take your plant diet to the next level, you could always go out into the forests and gather your meal for yourself. We love that this person’s taking an age-old practice and making it relatable to the modern day.
Relationship Geometry
It’s important to know the people you can hold close to you and trust with your deepest secrets, and those that you can’t. Maintain that circle of trust—it’s necessary in this life.
However, if we can’t trust you, we’ll be holding you at arm’s length with the rest of the folks who we’ve unfortunately had to banish to the triangle or rhombus.
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