When it comes to Reddit you never know what to expect. From completely unusual thoughts to funny jokes to personal stories, you can find pretty much anything on Reddit.
However, sometimes these things aren’t just random—they’re also oddly detailed—and the quirkiness of the posts will blow your mind. Join us as we dive into the oddly precise and the downright peculiar subreddit suspiciously specific. You’ll be asking yourself what you just read!
Midwestern Goodbye
We all know that feeling when you’re hosting guests and you’re getting a little tired and the conversation is lagging. You want them to leave, but you’re just not sure how to get them out of the house politely.
Lucky for Midwesterners, they’ve developed a clear etiquette for exactly this situation. We’re tempted to try this one, but we’re not sure it would go down so well outside of Nebraska.
Hopping Mad
Homeowners Associations seem to have a disproportionate amount of power. When you own a home, you’d think you could choose the color of your front door without having to clear it with the powers that be.
The person clearly has a very particular gripe with their HOA and we can understand why. They’ve worked hard all these years and all they want to do is display their beloved antique frog statuette with pride. Give the people what they want!
Classic Jack Black
Jack Black is a very versatile actor. Even though he often plays a similar character, it’s never a surprise to see him popping up in romcoms, kids’ classics, obscure indie flicks, and even serious movies.
We’re not sure why they’ve thought so hard about the situation, but we also wouldn’t be shocked if we bumped into Jack Black wandering around in an alien universe. It just seems like something he would do. What a legend.
Food for Thought
Solitary confinement with no entertainment feels like one of the biggest nightmares for the hyper-connected people of the modern world. We don’t know about you, but we get a little antsy for 10 minutes in a waiting room without our phones, let alone one year in a padded cell.
This Twitter user has obviously given this scenario a little too much thought and we’re a little worried about them. For goodness’ sake, someone hide the protein bars.
Reddit Red Flag
When people consult Reddit about their relationships, you know things are bad. If you need to turn to an anonymous herd of judgmental people on the internet, it’s probably time to cut and run.
However, we’re not sure that every Reddit relationship question features an anthropomorphized living room poop. If this was a real post, we’re desperate to know whether the wedding went ahead (and whether Mr Hoskins was invited).
Lower Your Expectations
It’s an unfortunate truth that guys often have very high (and very specific) expectations of the girls they’re willing to date. Not only do they have to be cute, petite, and feminine, but they also have to play Mario Kart and be able to cook a pot roast.
As thomas pointed out, more often than not, the jerks who make these kinds of demands are just “some guy” with low emotional intelligence. Good luck finding your dream girl buddy—we’re not sure she exists.
Toast to Toast
We’ve all been hit by those very specific cravings for a certain food that you just can’t get enough of. You could be offered any number of delicious treats, but they just don’t hit the spot in the same way.
This Twitter user has bravely announced their own specific craving to the world and we’re happy to confirm that no, it’s not just you! Buttered toast is the food of the gods and we could happily eat a whole loaf of bread in 10 minutes most days.
We’ll Wait
These days, homes have appliances for every task. From high-tech blenders and refrigerators that talk to you to combo washer-dryers and smart blinds and lighting, we’re all competing for the most efficient and technically advanced homes.
However, Ron Iver is very exercised by the fact that microwaves have so many buttons that we don’t use. While we can’t look him in the eye to tell him we’ve used the “7 key”, we would like to look him in the eye and tell him to chill out.
You Do the Math
Due to the way our brains are wired, some of us just get numbers, while others struggle with simple mathematical tasks no matter how hard they try.
For those of us in the second camp, the memories of our dads screaming while they “helped” us with our math homework are still vivid after all these years. The fact that the commenter didn’t even know that people cry doing their math homework just shows how sharp the divide is. Let’s just hope their kids are math whizzes, otherwise, we predict a lot of tears in the future!
Propa-HEN-da
We all know that roosters are loud, and colorful and love strutting around—it seems like they think a lot of themselves. Therefore, it’s not entirely surprising that they have infiltrated Google with their propaganda.
We love this description and although we agree with this Twitter user that roosters definitely had something to do with the writing, we really hope it’s true that roosters spend their days searching for little treats to bring to their hens. Such gentlemen!
Smell Ya Later
Lots of things happen in kids’ shows that don’t necessarily happen very often in real life. From kids banding together to solve crimes to teachers getting their comeuppance through elaborate pranks, real life as a kid is a little disappointing compared to TV.
But zach pointed out that there’s one trope that we’re glad isn’t a regular fixture in reality: the skunk spray tomato bath trope! Does it even actually work to get out the smell? We hope we’ll never know.
Opposites Attract
It’s true that spouses often “complete each other”. One might be really good at DIY while the other has an eye for design, or one might be great at cooking while the other is a whizz at doing the dishes.
This person has made a sweeping statement about how people in marriage behave when it comes to packing for vacation. Um, is this a classic conflict, or was this an argument he had with his wife today as he frantically shoved his Hawaiian shirts in the dryer?
RataTWOille
We can all agree that Ratatouille was a Pixar smash hit. From human drama, stunning animation, and an unlikely hero in the form of a determined young rat with a penchant for French cookery, this kids’ classic has everything.
Normally sequels are a big risk, but we have to say that this Twitter user’s visionary idea for Ratatouille 2 sounds like a slam dunk. Petition for Arnold Schwarzenegger to voice Ratwurst starts here!
Candy Crushed
When this Reddit user asked this seemingly innocent question, we’re sure they weren’t expecting this response. We’re not sure what the real answer is but this one certainly made us giggle.
We never knew the folks who created Candy Crush were in the extortion game, but now we might be convinced otherwise. Excuse us while we go delete any—ahem—incriminating photos off of our phones.
Asking for a Friend
It’s safe to say that there’s not a single cinema-goer who hasn’t, at one time or another, tried to sneak in their own snacks to the movie theater. Due to the extortionate prices of popcorn and red vines, illicit movie snacks are a must for most people.
This guy is testing out his smuggling technique and we’re afraid to say that honestly, the hat isn’t quite disguising the bag of chips hidden beneath. At least it’s just a hypothetical situation, right?
Poor Brian
Office politics can be tricky. In a big office, it’s almost impossible to avoid cliques, gossip, and drama. For those coworkers, like Brian, who are not part of the water cooler gossip gang, it can be difficult to make friends.
Unfortunately, his attempt to ditch his horribly specific nickname backfired, and now we’re sure it will stick for even longer. No one likes a snitch, Brian.
Not Again
Desk jobs aren’t usually associated with a lot of health and safety issues, but it seems as though no one is safe when there are office supplies around.
What is most disturbing about this exchange is that this is obviously not the first time this has happened. We’re going to put it out there that this guy shouldn’t be operating any stationery, especially if he wants to have kids in the future. Let’s hope that desk wasn’t too heavy.
One in a Melon
There are a lot of things you could do to make someone notice you. Leaving them a note, turning up at their house with a boom box—the possibilities are endless.
But Josh has decided that the next way to leave his mark is to anonymously dump a large melon on his neighbor’s doorstep. We have no choice but to assume he’s already done it or is about to in the near future. Enjoy the free watermelon, neighbors.
Cat-astrophe
This feels like something this guy should have kept to himself. Why he’s calculating the cat-to-Scot ratio in the world is anyone’s guess but it doesn’t exactly suggest someone with a fulfilling career and enriching personal life.
All of these statistics may be right, but we can’t say we’ve ever given so much thought to a cat invasion. Those Scots better watch their backs with Lawrence Ward around.
Staying Safe
Stuntmen are the unsung heroes of the cinema world. They risk their lives to make incredible shows and movies and it’s always fascinating to find out how the stunts are done.
However, mark feels called out while watching from the comfort of his sitting room, gorging on candy. Just wait ‘til they finish their M&Ms, they’ll be out there crossing a gorge on a motorcycle and landing in a circle of flames in a heartbeat.
Sidewalk Second-Hand Store
Anyone on a low income will know the thrill of spotting an old couch or bookcase on the side of the road. Yes, it might be infested with bugs, but it saves you a few hundred dollars and a trip to IKEA.
This Twitter user has a valid aspiration, but we’re not sure we’ll ever get to the place where we don’t even double-take. That just seems crazy!
So Creative
Some people can get a little too into their video games and this person’s little brother is no exception.
While he could probably do with going outside every once in a while, we have to give him credit for these creative insults, drawing from real-life experience. That midnight snack toe-stub sounds nasty and we’re glad he’s at least been able to get a great put-down out of it.
Sleeping Beauty
This Twitter user is adamant that he’s the only one who takes care to make sure he doesn’t make loud noises when other people are sleeping.
It’s true that people can be inconsiderate, but this rant suggests that the OP’s nearest and dearest have taken things to a whole new level. We’d also love to know how and why the lawnmower got into his room because that sounds troubling.
Ego Boost
Even though it’s just three words, there aren’t many phrases that can make us feel so safe, happy, and good about ourselves as “I love you”.
But this guy has found something even better and wants to share it with the world. The unbridled respect he gets from the man expertly carving his shawarma is apparently more meaningful than any romantic declaration. We’ll head to the kebab shop now and report back.
Salt of the Earth
Being invited into someone’s bedroom after a Tinder date is always a momentous occasion. That person trusts you enough to let you intrude on their private space and you get to know each other on a deeper level.
But, beware! This Twitter user clearly has a thing for licking Himalayan salt lamps and they’re not taking no for an answer. We’re definitely not leaving any dates unattended in our bedrooms after reading this.
Nineties Kid
These days, the nineties feel like a far-gone era when the world was a simpler place. There was no social media, people weren’t addicted to their cell phones, and if you wanted to watch Nickelodeon in your pajamas all day, you could.
However, this dangerously nostalgic Reddit user wants to seriously mess up their kid with this plan. Hey, we’d all love to teleport back to a time before TikTok, but it just can’t be done and we have to accept that.
On Thin Ice
When winter is here, the police have a responsibility to try and help their communities stay safe and ease the pressure on first responders. When the roads are icy, the best thing to do is stay home if you can.
It’s nice to see that the Lawrence Police Department is keeping things real and acknowledging that people need snacks. We tip our hats to whoever trekked across the ice for a bag of crunchy, cheesy goodness.
Text Etiquette
Even though it’s specific, this post is so relatable that we are squirming in our seats just reading it. We’ve all been there so can they please just come up with the emoji already?
Friendships are in danger and we need a solution for the painful shame and avoidant behavior. Now excuse us while we spend three hours watching reels and avoiding human contact.
Great Quessssstion
If you went to school after a certain time, then this probably sounds crazy. But we definitely remember when elementary schools periodically brought in a reptile man and we’re pretty sure he didn’t have a background check.
Was he just a guy with a pet snake looking to make a side income? Did he even get paid for coming in? We’ll never know, and the kids of today will never know the joy or fear of being in a classroom with a boa constrictor.
Word
In this age of constant development and progress, most things are replaced before we’ve even gotten used to them. However, this Twitter user has pointed out that this is not so with everyone’s (least) favorite word-processing software.
Despite being totally user-unfriendly and frustrating, Microsoft Word is still the go-to and this guy has got some serious beef with it. Try Google Docs, it might be better for your blood pressure.
Living the Dream
With war, climate change, and the internet, living in this world can feel exhausting. Sometimes we just want to get away from it all.
This woman has clearly put a lot of thought into her imaginary happy place and we’re not going to lie, we’d be very happy to join her there right now. Soup from a tiny pot in a toadstool kitchen sounds like the perfect antidote to stress and we are ready.
Slurp Slurp
This tweet took us straight back to drinking slushies at the movie theater and trying to slurp out the last drops as quietly as possible.
Yes, this string of symbols might be incomprehensible to those who’ve never enjoyed the icy deliciousness and challenging straw contortions of drinking a slushie, but it made sense to us immediately. Excuse us while we make a dash to 7-11.
Unexpected Twist
We all know the older generation can look down on celebs, especially if they’re a little wild and kooky like Lady Gaga. This math teacher was sure that Mother Monster wouldn’t be around in 10 years.
However, this user took this post down a route that no one could have expected and we’re more than a little disturbed. Guess all we can do is be glad that Gaga is enjoying so much success and that this math teacher got what was coming to them.
What a Monster
When people complain about their jobs, we expect to hear general gripes about long hours, demanding bosses, and not enough vacation time.
This Tumblr user decided to air his grievances with this hilariously precise description. We’re glad to see someone else clocked the suspiciously specific nature of this plea and checked to see if the poster was okay. Let’s be honest, the energy-drinking manager does sound like a nightmare.
Star Treatment
We all love to learn interesting facts about animals and the internet is full of them. This tweet started out as just another odd truth about a lovable farmyard creature and then became an existential vision of helping a pig to see the stars.
This guy has clearly spent a lot of time thinking about pigs, the universe, and his lonely existence and we just hope he’s okay.
Fight Club
Thought experiments are fun and they often involve deciding who you would rather fight. This Tumblr user has really put a lot of thought into this question, and we have to assume from those details that he’s fought off a jazz-loving jock AND a buff nerd in the past.
Can we say “neither” because we don’t like our chances against either of these specimens?
Getting Hiss-terical
Lots of people claim to speak for “every woman” but, at the end of the day, how can anyone actually know what 50% of the population is thinking and feeling?
Here we have one woman terrified of not finding the one until she’s older and another one who has given us a primal fear of something we never knew we needed to dread until now. Takes all sorts to make a world, huh?
She’ll Never Know
In general, men are not known for their ability to notice things well, and it’s often disheartening for their partners to find that their husband never notices when they get a haircut or buy a new outfit.
This Twitter user has come up with a catch-all compliment and then revealed his strange obsession with winged dinosaurs. We’re pretty sure she’s going to catch on, buddy.
Deep Sea Bonding
It’s true that it can be very difficult to make friends as an adult. You can’t just go up to people like you could when you were younger, and it takes more than a shared love of blocks or play dough to build a friendship.
This guy is sure he’s solved the problem, but we’re pretty sure all he’s done is admit that he’s desperate to chat about his favorite deep sea creature. Let’s hope he finds some fellow marine life enthusiasts out there to bond with.
Paediatrician Problems
Pet parents can get a little kooky about their beloved animals. Referring to their pets as their babies is thought of as a cute term of endearment.
However, this post has shown us that it definitely doesn’t work the other way around. Who knew there was such a thin line between cute and creepy? Maybe it’s time for this pediatrician to consider a career change.
‘Scuse Me M’Lord
Pangolins are some of the cutest and most persecuted creatures on the planet. When you see these little scaly mammals clasping their hands earnestly, it’s hard to fathom how anyone could hurt them.
Dana has perfectly identified the vibe they give off, although we have to wonder if she’s a fan of British period dramas. Otherwise, how does she know so much about how servants speak to their sovereign lords? Just sayin’.
Those Were the Days
The automated nature of Spotify takes away some of the joy of playing records, CDs, and even iPods. It’s true that the kids of today are missing out on some formative musical experiences.
However, this person has described a very specific thrill that we’re not sure that most of the iPod generation will be able to relate to. Sounds like a great party, though.
Essential Skills
We all have to be prepared for unexpected questions in job interviews. Sometimes, your would-be manager likes to throw a curve ball to see how you handle thinking on your feet under pressure.
When this user went for an interview at a well-known waffle restaurant, the question revealed a little too much about previous employee experiences. If that’s not enough to put you off accepting the job, then we don’t know what is.
Ask Reddit
Watching crime drama series has made us all curious about scenarios involving law enforcement that hopefully will never happen to us. But this question on Reddit is so bizarrely specific that we have to wonder whether it’s based on a real-life situation.
We hope that FBI agents don’t turn to Reddit in times of crisis because otherwise, the safety of our country is hanging in the balance.
Some Things Never Change
We all know that plenty of surnames in the Western world stem from the occupation of the person. Common names like Farmer, Baker, Mason, and Miller all remind us of our ancestors and what they did for a living.
This person has pointed out that people these days are still using similar monikers in their contact lists, although not many of us have a “Pete Do Not Answer” saved. There’s definitely a story there and we’d love to hear it.
Bright Future
Everyone can agree that the pandemic was a bizarre and stressful time for humanity and we’re all happy to leave that chapter of mask-wearing and social distancing behind us.
However, this post reminds us that some folks have an even bleaker vision of the future. Let’s hope that this terrifying idea of what the world will be like in 10 years is more of a testament to the poster’s love of dystopian drama than anything grounded in reality.
Lion’s Den
The internet is full of inspirational quotes that help us get out of bed in the morning and feel ready to take on the world. They can be used on all kinds of occasions.
We definitely didn’t expect this one, but we do all have that one Facebook friend involved in some kind of sales scheme and desperate to earn a commission. Sorry Linda, but these sheep aren’t buying any leggings today.
Multiple Personalities
Fanfiction is a whole world, filled with writers and fans who are truly devoted to their favorite works of fiction and desperate to fill in the gaps of the lives and loves of their favorite characters.
But apparently, fanfiction authors also like to give their readers some very specific insights into their lives. Sounds a little jarring to us, but maybe it’s a nice break from the “pain despair lost love, and darkness.”
Feather-Brained
As we age, it’s normal to develop some hobbies that maybe we once scorned as boring. From doing puzzles to gardening, older people seem to do a lot of activities and they really seem to enjoy them.
Jesse has revealed that his old-person activity of choice is bird-watching. Does it creep up on everyone? We’re not sure, but we’re glad to hear he’s getting so excited about a yellow-rumped warbler.
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