These Husband and Wife Tweets Are Totally #RelationshipGoals


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Relationships are hard. Even when you love someone very much, getting through sickness as well as health, and the hard times as well as the good, can be very demanding.

Without understanding and mutual respect for each other, maintaining a healthy relationship can be close to impossible – but what really helps relationships thrive is a good helping of humor.

Here are some amazing examples of couples amusing themselves – and us – and proving that love is real along the way.

Can’t Say “No” to Hedgehogs

When you’re living with someone, pets are always a point of contention.

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Whether it’s with a roommate in college dorms or with your partner in your own house, when one side wants a pet and the other doesn’t – things can get rough.

Still, sometimes you have to know how to pick your battles – and it’s a good thing this Twitter user only wanted a hedgehog!

Those little guys are relatively harmless. Imagine what that conversation would have looked like if she had wanted a Great Dane!

Hole In One

In this day and age, responsibility for chores and work around the house falls – as it should – on both partners.

So when your husband has the audacity to complain about the fact that you’ve taken it upon yourself to unload the dishwasher while he was relaxing in front of the TV, taking to Twitter is, honestly, a pretty reserved reaction.

Still, we imagine Annie smiling when she wrote this; it’s hard not to see the humor in the situation.

Spread Your Wings and Fly

Just one wrong step is all it takes. Or one right one – depending on who you ask.

Of course, we’re sure Stella loves her husband and doesn’t just see him as a potential insurance claim just waiting to happen – but sometimes it’s nice to dream about finally being able to afford that expensive set of kitchen knives and French enamel pots.

Then again, if that were to happen – who’d be in charge of taking care of things on the roof?

I’m Sure It’s Nothing

This is a really good question – and it doesn’t have a simple answer.

On the one hand, you love your husband and you wouldn’t want him to miss any important scenes in the show you like to watch together.

On the other, if something’s happened to him and he won’t be able to watch the show with you anyway, the suspense might just not be worth it.

A seemingly simple solution might be to get up from the couch and go see what’s happened to him – but then again, that would entail getting up from the couch.

Here’s Your Kid Back

We imagine this conversation going a little like this:

“Excuse me, ma’am, I believe this is yours?”

“Why would you think that?”

“Isn’t he your child?”

“He is, but-“

“Well, he’s been whining for weeks now. I think it’s time you took him back.”

“HAH! I’LL NEVER TAKE HIM BACK! YOU HEAR ME? NEVER! NEVERRRR!!! HE’S YOUR PROBLEM NOW!!!”

Then again, what would she do if her husband’s mother did take him back?

Selective Blindness

“Hey, Barbra? Hun?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you happen to see the car keys? I can’t find them.”

“Did you look for them in the drawer? You know, where they always are?”

“Of course. That’s the first place I looked!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll come help you look for them. Let’s look in the drawer, first.”

“I told you, I already looked there, they’re not-“

“Found them.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Wife: That’s better.

Is it Hot in Here, Or is it Just Me?

Ah, the famed battle over the ideal room temperature.

If, as the famous book states, men really are from mars and women really are from venus, that might explain why the each prefer such radically different temperatures. It’s fine when you’re living alone, but when, as a couple, you have to find the ideal temperature for both of you, it can get a little tricky sometimes.

Although, if you ask us – it’s easier to dress warm than it is to cool down.

Keeping Up Appearances

This seems like a clever strategy, although, if you really think about it – if he doesn’t know somebody’s cleaning the house regularly, he might start to think that it just stays clean on its own.

One day, when it’ll be his turn to clean, he might start wondering how the house had stayed so spotless by itself all this time.

Then again – as long as she’s controlling the narrative, she’s the one with the real power.

Best. Day. Ever.

This is, of course, very true – and very important to remember.

If, on the other hand, you haven’t yet married, here’s a tip for when you organize your reception; make sure the hall is full vending machines that have been set up to dispense two snacks at a time.

We have the technology, and if you want to make sure your wedding day really is the happiest day in your life, it’s only reasonable to take every measure necessary.

Oh, the Horror

Have you ever seen guys when they’re sick?

Suddenly, having a headache means that they’re dying. After they calm down a little, their anxiety flares up again after a bout of sneezing.

It’s not a pretty sight, and there’s a lot of hand holding and coddling involved.

Still, one thing to take into account when you’re taking care of a sick man, is the fact that if he has even a single decent bone in his body, he’ll be forever grateful for your care bringing him back from the brink of death.

Sharing the Blame

You know, getting married means opting in for the whole package.

That means that you share in the blame as well as in the credit – and if your wife happened to break the toaster – well, that just means you sort of broke it too, so own up!

Is this healthy or recommended in any way? Absolutely not. But that doesn’t mean that’s not what’s going to happen, so you might as well brace yourself for it from this moment forward.

Putting His Foot Down

The man of the house sometimes needs to know that when the woman of the house wants something, she expects to get it.

Justin Guarini, it seems, isn’t just a talented musician, host and performer; he’s also pretty smart when it comes to relationships.

In all seriousness though, guys; can we please cut it out with this whole “man of the house” thing? What does that even mean, really?

Anyway, kittens are a great thing to have around the house.

Checking With My Other Boss

“So, where do you see yourself in five years?”

“Hang on, let me check with my other boss!”

Honestly though, what kind of workplace question is that?

We assume that if he’s already this guy’s boss, we’re way past the interview stage. Really, it’s a pretty strange question to ask.

But in all seriousness, coordinating your life goals with your life partner is never a bad idea – and communicating about it when major decisions need to be made is an even better idea than that.

Let’s Keep Things Clear

Love, they say, conquers all. But you know, getting married doesn’t mean you get a “get out of jail free” card from your significant other just like that.

Take Grant Tanaka and his wife, for instance.

They’re obviously in a loving relationship, but his wife has her limits, and she’s not afraid to let him know about them.

Cold? Perhaps. But we’re willing to bet that that’s one of the reasons he loves her!

It takes all sorts, folks – trust us.

Means, Motive, and Opportunity

Along with the “motive” Linda is talking about, there also come means.

Nobody knows you better than your spouse, and after several decades of living together, she probably knows the best way to get at you quickly, silently and efficiently.

As for opportunity – well, there’s plenty of that when you both live in the same house.

So watch out, all you significant others out there! Be sure you’re good to your partners, because man – if you’re not, it can get ugly.

Tough Competition

Ever looked at your significant other and wondered how you’ve managed to find such a catch, especially considering you’re not the brightest bulb out there?

We all have.

But remember, love is blind – and shampoo, if you get it in your eyes, helps with that blindness.

So really, Andy H. – just make sure you keep plenty of shampoo around the house.

And also, don’t forget to use conditioner – unless, you know, you don’t mind your hair getting frizzy.

Our New Lord and Master

You know what they say: if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

It seems that Lord Melbourne isn’t easily moved, and so, rather than butting heads with one of nature’s most majestic beasts, Annie Harfield has opted to follow a different path.

The question that arises from this whole scenario isn’t whether there’s some way she’s missed to persuade a groundhog to leave your property, but rather – are Cocoa Puffs good for these noble rodents – or would Lord Melbourne be better off with some other cereal brand?

The Wisdom of Experience

There are some things that only the lived experiences of a relationship can teach us.

Learning to be patient, for instance. Defining your own personal borders. Knowing when to insist – and when to let go.

In Pete Lynch’s case, though, it seems to have taught him a much more valuable lesson: paper towels don’t grow on trees.

Sharing is Caring

When couples get married, they basically agree to share everything. And by “everything,” we mean everything.

Okay, so while they don’t necessarily use the same piece of mint flavored dental floss, they still probably share the packet – and if you ask us, that’s a beautiful thing.

That being said, some things aren’t just can’t be shared.

When you make a snack for yourself, sometimes that snack is just the way you want it – and even a single cracker would make it somehow less.

And that’s a part of marriage, too.

You Don’t Want That

Being married to someone means being awfully close to them, for long, long periods of time. Over that time, you develop an intuition for their wants and needs, and often, that intuition can help you anticipate things ahead of time – and allow you to be a better partner.

But what happens when that intuition becomes so strong, that it trumps what your partner explicitly tells you?

That’s a dangerous path to walk, friends – but then again, who in the world wants dry cereal for dinner?

Silent Time

We’ve all heard of the “silent treatment” – even if we haven’t heard it, itself.

Is it even possible to hear the silent treatment?

Anyway, we digress.

The point is, that for a couple that are used to constantly communicate with each other, silence can be a harder burden to bear than any other form of punishment – so all in all, we’d consider Kent Graham a pretty lucky guy.

Communication in healthy relationships does mean, after all, everything.

Not Technically Speechless

How do you define “speechless?”

In many cases, people would say it describes the state of not being able to come up with anything to say.

Others, though, might describe it as the state of not being able to say anything, even if you do have a response in mind.

Having a mouth full of gummy bears could, quite honestly, describe both states. On the one hand, it’s impossible to talk when your mouth if full of candy. On the other, if you’re the type of person who stuffs his mouth full of candy – it might not be surprising if you have trouble coming up with responses to things.

Never Assume

Assuming what your partner is going to say before you hear them say it is never a good idea.

Especially, if you ask us, if you have reason to think you don’t listen to them enough in the first place.

Then again, who are we to judge? It takes all sorts, and if this is what helps keep your relationship off the ground, well – you do you, fella!

Just make sure you keep an ear open for the really important stuff.

Camping!

Going on a trip as a couple to see the great outdoors together is always a great idea.

The fresh air, the wild, raw beauty of nature, the adventures you’ll have together – there’s hardly anything we can imagine that can strengthen a romantic bond more.

But when you get to your cabin at night and tuck in after a hard day’s trekking – well, let’s just say it’s better to make sure, ahead of time, that the cabin has a double bed rather than bunks.

Do Something

When you live in a house, as most people do, there’s always something that needs doing, no matter where you are.

In good, healthy relationships, both partners take care and responsibility for the chores that need to be done – but sometimes, one side takes on all of the responsibility while the other avoids it at all costs.

The real question here is, though – why is this couple texting back and forth rather than speaking to each other face to face?

Excuses Excuses

We’ve all been there.

We were asked to do a thing or two, and rather than take care of it right away, we procrastinated, and procrastinated, and procrastinated, until finally we had to face the music.

Now, when you face the music, you have two options; you can either straighten your back and take responsibility for your negligence, which would be the adult thing to do – or, you could make up an elaborate story full of twists, turns and unlikely circumstances which completely absolves your of any responsibility and actually puts you in a positive light, just like everyone else in the world does.

A Class System

Ah, the age old “decorative towel conundrum.”

For some people, towels are just tools that are meant to be used around the house. Are your hands wet? Grab the nearest towel, and by god, towel those hands off.

Then again, for others, there are certain items around the house that are meant to be used only by the most distinguished of guests. Say, if the President of the United States popped over for a cup of coffee and some cake – there’s a towel for that.

It’s the Thought That Counts

“Hun, I looked in the oven and there was nothing in there! Not even leftovers!”

Cooking isn’t for everyone. Some people just don’t do well in the kitchen, and that’s something that we just have to accept.

But if you can’t cook, don’t offer to!

If you really want to help out, just order in next time.

Or at least make sure you’re not out of ovens before you commit to anything.

There’s a Right Way and a Wrong Way for Everything

Honestly, we didn’t know either – but we don’t think that the problem’s with us; if you get rejects and feedback on the way you put milk back in the fridge, you’re probably doing something pretty seriously wrong.

We’re trying to think what it could be; could you possibly have left the bottle open? Placed it upside down?

Or, heaven forbid, placed it anywhere other than the bottom right corner of the fridge door, with the label facing out?

We mean – who does that?

Those Things are Worth Money

You know what?

Sure. It’s really easy to make fun of coupons. But those things add up, Bill. They add up. Do you know how much dish soap we buy in our lifetimes? Those coupons could end up paying your son’s college tuition. Don’t feel so smart now, do you Bill. Do you.

And sure, yes, hiring a private eye was a bit expensive – but it’s negligible, Bill – negligible! – in comparison to all the money we could have saved if you’d only used those coupons.

Saving Up

Okay, so Mr. Peel here might come across as cheap, but at least he’s trying to save money.

There’s an entirely different issue we’d like to discuss that this tweet raises, though.

And that issue is the chicken finger platter.

First, who orders a platter of chicken fingers?

A plate? Sure. A bucket? A bit excessive, but fine.

But a platter?

platter?

Fine, order the platter. But then, eating it by yourself? Platters are meant to be shared, Mr. Peel! They’re meant to be shared!

Having Faith in Your Partner

When it comes to our significant others, we always hope for the best – but somehow, assume the worst.

In Boyd’s wife’s case, it sounds like she has real reason to be concerned about her husband’s job security, which leaves us wondering;

Boyd, why did you come home early from work?

Were you fired?

You can be honest, we’ll love you and support you no matter what.

Saving Up

This is actually ingenious.

Saving money by buying… less… things! Who would have thought!

This could actually work! If we buy less stuff – we’ll have more money!

Dear lord, why didn’t we think of that?

Of course, if you buy less groceries, you have less to cook with – and assuming you’re going to be equally hungry, you’ll have to order out.

But while ordering out might seem more expensive at first, if you keep doing it, you’ll realize eventually that it really is more expensive.

It’s All in Good Pangolin

It seems like Eric’s wife couldn’t bear it anymore.

When they sealed the deal, she was definitely not counting on him being such a duck.

And while Eric may think he’s being a cool cat, it’s only a matter of time before his wife decides to make like a tree and leave.

Okay, okay, so our puns are terrible! And that last one wasn’t even animal related!

If anything, writing this has given us a newfound appreciation for Eric’s word wizardry.

If You Love Something, Let It Go

Donating things to Goodwill really is a noble thing to do – but usually, it’s done by the person those things belong to. Rummaging through your wife’s closet and giving away her stuff isn’t really a donation as much as it is theft – but maybe we’re being a little harsh on Simon. It sounds like his heart was in the right place – even if his donation wasn’t.


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