Getting married is a big deal, but it's also a time to have fun and make jokes about the funny side of it. They call it an "institution" because it can be a bit serious. If you're tired of all the mushy quotes about love and marriage, you'll enjoy these funny wedding jokes we've gathered. They'll make you the star of the wedding and the party afterward.
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1Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
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Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution for the blind.
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The best marriage advice: If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
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“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.”
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“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.”
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“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”
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Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't."
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“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.”
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Marriage is all about give and take. You give, and she takes.
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“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’"
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“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!”
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“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.”
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. “My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.”
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“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!”
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“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.”
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. “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.”
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Love is one long sweet dream,
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“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
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“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.”
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Why do married people often look so serious? Because they can't laugh at their own jokes!
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. "Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go and live with a car battery."
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I asked my wife, "Honey, will you still love me when I'm old and bald?" She said, "I do."
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My wife says I never listen to her, or something like that.
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Why did the bride bring a ladder to the wedding? She wanted to get to the groom's level.
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Why did the bride run away from the wedding? She wanted to see if he'd really chase her.
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At the wedding, the bride said, "I do." The groom thought she was talking about the shoes.
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At the wedding, the best man said, "Can I say a few words?" The groom replied, "Sure, but don't say anything about my past relationships."
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Why do married people live longer? Because they can't argue with their spouse if they're dead.
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- “To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.”
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