Lawyer Jokes That Are Legally Bound To Entertain You


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"People often think lawyers aren't funny. There's one exception, a character named Saul Goodman, but he's more like a shady person than a real lawyer. So, in the world of law, there's not much entertainment to rely on. Without diving into stereotypes too much, we can agree that lawyers usually have a sense of humor that's very serious and not very lively. It's like a really dry road in the driest place on earth, Kufra, Libya. That's how dry it is. They also can seem a bit cold and not very understanding, which can make them seem a bit robotic. These are just general observations and commonly accepted ideas, and there are always exceptions. However, as you're about to see, our collection of lawyer jokes is mainly based on these three qualities. And you know what they say – there's usually a bit of truth in every joke!"

We've gathered some of the funniest lawyer jokes from the internet, and we're excited to share them with you. If you have your own jokes, feel free to add them in the comments! We all have a few tucked away, especially when it comes to law! Don't forget to vote for your favorites and share this article with other law-abiding folks you know.

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    leo writes
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    Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly: Did you steal the car?"

    Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning. I’m beginning to think I didn’t."

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    How can you tell if a lawyer is lying?

    Other lawyers look interested.

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    Lawyer, speaking to a dog on trial for murder: "Who’s a good boy? "

    Dog: "I am."

    Lawyer: "Your honor, I rest my case."

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    A man asks his Solicitor: "If I give you £400, will you answer two questions for me?"

    The solicitor replies: "Absolutely! What’s the second question?"

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    How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark.

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    The judge charged the attorney who killed her yoga instructor with pre-meditated murder.

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    What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

    The lawyer charges more.

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    Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?

    Professional courtesy.

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    If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take to keep a lawyer away?

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    Do you know how copper wire was invented?

    Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.

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    What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances?

    Retired.

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    What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

    A Doberman Pinscher.

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    The semicolon who committed the neighborhood robberies was administered two consecutive sentences by the lawyer.

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    What happened to the banker who went to law school?

    Now she’s a loan shark.

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    Why don’t lawyers play hide-and-seek?

    Nobody will look for them.

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    What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

    An offer you can’t understand.

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    Did you hear about the man who sued an airline company after it mislaid his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

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    "Lawyers occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." – Winston Churchill

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    When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?

    Because deep down, they are all nice guys.

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    My friend, a lawyer, stole my tuxedo after my wedding. I'm filing a lawsuit against him tomorrow morning.

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    A photograph hurriedly rushed into his attorney's office and screamed, "I think someone is framing me!".

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    Alligators make good lawyers because they are efficient a-litigators.


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    Why did the elephant lawyer lose his case?

    Because his argument was irrele-phant.

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    Why did the law student go to court wearing a shirt with no sleeves?

    Because he had the right to bare arms.

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    Why didn't the shabby law student pass his final exams?

    He didn't make a good appearance.

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    Prosecutor: "What were you doing on July 15 at 9 o’clock in the evening?"

    Prisoner: "I was eating a hamburger."

    Prosecutor: "What were you doing at 9:30 p.m.?"

    Prisoner: I was taking bicarbonate of soda.

    Prosecutor: "Do you expect us to believe you?"

    Prisoner: "You would if you had eaten one of those hamburgers."

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    Why is it so common for attorneys to be lost in thought?

    Unfamiliar territory.

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    Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?

    Not enough sand.

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    What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

    A vampire only sucks blood at night.

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    What do lawyers do after dates?

    They lie still.

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    Lawyer: "May I approach the bench?"

    Judge: "You may."

    Lawyer: *walks up and whispers* "The other guy is being, like, super mean right now."

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    Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?

    It’s called Sosumi.

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    What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

    One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.

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    What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?

    A great place to start.

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    What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle?

    The vacuum cleaner has a dirt bag on the inside.


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