Hilarious Baby Jokes That Will Surely Make You Laugh

The stork is the bird that helps deliver babies. What bird helps prevent pregnancy?
The swallow.

What did the mom snake say to her crying baby snake?
She told him to quit crying and viper his nose.

I saw my son playing with a used diaper while the air conditioner was on.
It was all fun and games until the shit hit the fan.

Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne.

What did the baby in a band play?
A guitar hooked up to a waaah! waaah! pedal

What would happen if I threw a baby from the tenth floor of a building?
It would become very flat and I’d probably get arrested.

How can you tell the gender of a baby?
If he cries it’s a boy.
I she cries, it’s a girl.

What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
It’s time to go to sweep!

Babies are not at all complicated because they have only three moods: crying, finished crying, and just about to cry.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.

Did you hear about the pear who had triplets?
She became a pear-ant and enjoyed the fruits of her labor!

Why was a baby drop of ink weeping?
Because her dad was in a pen, and she didn’t know the duration of his sentence.

Why did the baby crawl across the street?
He saw the one object you told him he couldn’t play with.

Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl. They named her Paige, and they just couldn’t put her down.

A friend asked me if she should have a baby after 40.
I said no, 40 babies are enough.

What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What social media site is for babies who want to go on playdates?
Tindergarden.

Why are babies so happy all the time?
Because nothing perks up their ears like the sound of their parents arguing.

What’s the difference between a baby and garlic bread?
I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

What’s red and crawls up your leg?
A baby that has, adorably, spilled cranberry juice all over herself.

There was a dad who tried to keep his wife happy through labor by telling jokes, but she didn’t laugh once. Know why?
It was the delivery.

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.

Why did the infant go on a diet?
She wanted to lose her baby fat.

How do you get a baby from Krypton to go to sleep?
You rocket!

Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug?
She’s going to have her baby in the spring.

Why is that baby still in diapers?
I’ll give you two reasons: number 1 and number 2.

Did you hear what the couple who met while working at an instruction book company named their baby?
Manuel.

Did you hear about the mom who got scared when she saw a strange baby in the baby’s crib?
The father told her, “But you told me that I need to change the baby.”

I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after she finishes college.

You don’t have to study for a pregnancy test, but I’ve heard there’s a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam.

How many infants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, he just points at it and cries until his caregiver does it for him

Who’s bigger, Mr Bigger or Mr Bigger’s baby?
Mr Bigger’s baby. He’s just a little bigger.

How do you make a baby float?
Always have your baby wear a Coast Guard-approved life vest.

The firefighter’s wife told her husband after giving birth to a cute baby boy: “Honey, it’s arson.”

I got a letter from my sister. She just had a baby. But she didn’t say whether it’s a boy or girl. So, I don’t know if I’m an uncle or an aunt.

Do you remember what you used to call your security blanket when you were little?
No, I’m drawing a blankie!

A baby roach asks his dad what happens if they get sprayed with Raid.
Papa Roach said, “Suffocation, no breathing.”