Vampire Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Until You’re Coffin


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Vampire Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Until You’re Coffin

"Vampires are spooky creatures who come out at night. People have been interested in them for a very long time. Sometimes, they're shown as romantic, sometimes scary, and sometimes in between. They've become a big part of our stories and movies. If you like spooky stuff or just want a good laugh, we've got some funny vampire jokes for you!"

  1. 1

    leo writes
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    How does Dracula get his torch to turn on?

    With bat-teries.

  2. 2

    leo writes
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    What should you never yell at a vampire while arguing?

    "Bite me!"

  3. 3

    leo writes
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    Why don’t vampires like mosquitos?

    Too much competition.

  4. 4

    leo writes
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    Why don’t mosquitoes bite vampires?

    As a professional courtesy.

  5. 5

    leo writes
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    What would you get when you cross a vampire with sheep? 

    Drac-Ewe-La.

  6. 6

    leo writes
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    What did the vampire say after drinking blood from a bodybuilder?

    "Whew, that’s strong!"

  7. 7

    leo writes
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    Why did Dracula divorce his wife after she took a blood test? 

    She wasn't his type.

  8. 8

    leo writes
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    What do you call a gullible vampire?
    A sucker.

  9. 9

    leo writes
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    What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
    A nectarine.

  10. 10

    leo writes
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    What do you call a cross dressing vampire?
    Dragula.

  11. 11

    leo writes
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    Did you know people still think there are vampires in Romania?
    Haven’t seen one since 1645.

  12. 12

    leo writes
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    Where do college-age vampires shop?
    Forever 21.

  13. 13

    leo writes
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    Why can you never win in a boxing match with Dracula? 

    Nobody can ever beat the Count.

  14. 14

    leo writes
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    Why are vampires so obsessed with necks?
    Because they were raised by a neck romancer.

  15. 15

    leo writes
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    Why should you never tell a vampire to get a life?

    Because it might decide to take yours.

  16. 16

    leo writes
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    How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
    If he’s coffin.

  17. 17

    leo writes
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    Why are vampires bad artists?

    Because they always want to draw blood.

  18. 18

    leo writes
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    Heard about the vampire who was locked up in an asylum?

    He went batty.

  19. 19

    leo writes
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    Why are vampires very bad Product Managers?
    Because they refuse to meet with stake holders.

  20. 20

    leo writes
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    Why do vampires like to scare people?

    Because they are bored to death!

  21. 21

    leo writes
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    What is a vampire’s favorite fast food?

    A person with very high blood pressure.

  22. 22

    leo writes
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    How do you kill a French vampire?

    You have to stab him/her with a baguette. It sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.

  23. 23

    leo writes
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    Where does Dracula buy writing utensils from?

    Pencil-veinia.

  24. 24

    leo writes
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    Why don’t vampires like gambling?
    They get nervous when the stakes are raised.

  25. 25

    leo writes
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    Why does Dracula not have friends? 

    He's such a pain in the neck.

  26. 26

    leo writes
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    What do vampires drink at happy hour?

    B-Positive.

  27. 27

    leo writes
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     Why did Dracula fail at Art? 

    He was only able to draw blood.

  28. 28

    leo writes
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    Why are vampires so naive?

    Because they are born suckers.

  29. 29

    leo writes
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    What's the differnce between Jesus and a vampire?

    Where you stick the wooden stake.

  30. 30

    leo writes
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    What would you get when you cross a vampire with sheep?

    Drac-Ewe-La.

  31. 31

    leo writes
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    Why do vampires brush three times a day?
    To prevent bat breath.

  32. 32

    leo writes
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    How many vampires showed up to the garlic-eating competition?
    Can’t say, it was countless.

  33. 33

    leo writes
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    Why can you never win in a boxing match with Dracula?

    Nobody can ever beat the Count.

  34. 34

    leo writes
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    What is Dracula's favorite fruit? 

    Neck-tarines


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